Just like everyone else & a little clarification

A 'quick' note about posts: Despite finding inspiration in conversations and interactions with friends and family, I'm not trying to call anyone out. At least not anyone who is reading this. It's not my intent to suggest that when I reveal some quirk of mine that I am subtly/passive aggressively trying to clue you in that I think you're being rude or hurting my feelings or I'm comparing you to difficult friendships or situations in my past. So far, this blog has been very stream of conscious without my putting extra meaning behind it. I repeat myself (a lot) but I also ruminate and over analyze and connect mental dots from previous situations without meaning to cause unease for newer friends. My complaining about being used (aside from being partly my own damn fault) is not code for I think you're doing it too. My conversational issues with feeling ignored? Those came straight from endless one-on-one dinners with a friend who stares at her phone, takes calls and shows me messages she's answering while I'm trying to talk. Or driving a relative somewhere who interrupts a serious conversation I'm trying to have with them to discuss whether or not a check engine light is on and then anything else they can possibly think of when it isn't.

So, while I deeply appreciate those of you who read this blog and worry about being compared or judged or how I perceive you, you can relax. If I thought you were a jerk or ignoring me or were trying to use me, I wouldn't be around you. Everyone has their own personal baggage and I'm not trying to add to yours. Thanks though, for being decent human beings and caring. Now, as you were.

Or maybe not

And now, another topical incident:

I have been on the educator side of things. Teaching skills, appropriate behaviors, etc. So I have been on the side of prompting a child for an answer to test their knowledge only to have a well meaning parent jump in and answer.

Did you not see that I was setting the kid up to feel proud by answering something you didn't know they could?  Did you not realize you interrupted prime social interaction and reinforce the child to depend on you to answer a situation they can learn to handle? Ugh! I was never a jerk about it, politely telling the adult to give the kid a chance to show them what they'd learned.

And then today, I was that parent/guardian/responsible adult in charge/family member/general hbic.

OMG! The horror. No seriously, I caught the words coming out of my mouth in cinematic slow motion.

What the hell, woman?

Here's the best I've got, as I try to soothe the itch to face palm for days that invaded my brain as soon as the words were spoken. I spend so much time interpreting for my older folks who seem to only be able to hear me and no one else, and interpret the variable speed talking of my niblings to their grandparents, that my brain defaulted to intervene mode. Also? Brown-nosing-front-of-the-class-know-it-all reared her head. Oh oh, me, I know it, oh oh, my hand's raised, me me. Ugh. I am also reminded of being the family/caregiver to a patient receiving respiratory therapy. The tech laughed as I noticed myself breathing in, holding my breath and exhaling along with my loved one. "Everybody does," he chuckled, "even me after all these years. You just can't help it." And it's true. Ever held your breath with a character in a movie or a book? Years later I noticed other people breathing in time during doctor appointments, ER visits and respiratory assessments.

It doesn't matter that it isn't about you. And it doesn't matter if you're completely aware of your position as a spectator and not the participant. Sometimes you just can't help yourself. And sometimes you write about silly things to keep yourself sane while watching one of your least favorite kids' movies for the 700th time.