Where Does The Time Go?

It's high school graduation season around here and for the first time since I walked across the stage many, many moons ago I've got a stake in this.

Until the last few weeks, I'd been so consumed with making sure this kid, one of my niblings, would graduate that the dizzy brain waves of oh-dear-God-we're-all-HOW-old didn't kick in until now. I tutored. I reminded about homework, make up work, turning in anything and everything. I begged, literally begged this child to grab every chance of extra credit just in case.

This kid did not have my school career. I treated school as seriously as administrators threaten students that they should.*cough* nerd *cough* Permanent record! You'll use all of this! *cough* I aimed to be most likely to succeed until I aimed to just get the hell on with life. This kiddo, not so much. Brains, check. Ability, check. Desire - we've got a runner.

So, to see them stride across the stage and have their name on their diploma is like a partial weight lifting from my shoulders. I'm not tackling the angst of what comes next for a few months, so I'm just going to bask in the relief. And let my brain turn over and over how weird it is that this kid is a high school graduate.

I waited for this kid to be born. I was a nervous wreck driving to the hospital when they arrived. I changed their diaper, held them when they were sick. I watched them grow with a mixture of awe and a deep hope that their life would be so much better than they could imagine. I was there for lows and highs. I hoped that I set some kind of decent example  (something sorely lacking in this kid's life) and taught something, anything positive that would stick with them as they grow.

I know where the time has gone. Every climb up difficult moments. Every tear shed. Every fear of what comes next. Every movie seen together. Every meal cooked together. Every moment of regular life that fills in the space between special moments. I just can't get over that the little chubby cheeked toddler drives, is in a relationship, has been accepted to college and all the rest of it. And I can't believe that I've somehow managed to survive this long after my own high school graduation, navigating the unknown.

And this

A year on

My husband pointed out to me the other day that it was the one year anniversary of the death of our first puppy (he was a senior dog by then, but he'll always be a puppy to me). It was something I was aware of in the back of my mind, but slightly jolting in the moment anyway when he brought it up.

A solid year. How completely bizarre.

I admit before I became a born-again dog person, I rolled my eyes when people expressed deep grief and took time off from work when their pet died. I was an asshole.

I was baptized by dog spit in that very first puppy lick to my face, a total convert at the first heavy sigh as he rested his head against my heartbeat. And then I realized this dog would die some day and I'd be a blubbering mess for only God knew how long.

It turns out that the grieving wreck would give way to numb and resistant to fill the empty space in our home. I questioned for a while if we'd even get another and just be a 1 dog household. The rest of the house was a little more eager to move forward.

Out of the blue one day this past winter, possessed by who knows what, I committed us to once again being a 2 dog household. And then immediately wondered if I'd made a huge mistake - this is normal for me with every.single.dog we've adopted. I question that I can handle it. I question how well the dogs will get along. I question my ability to love this little creature in the manner he or she deserves.

When our new four-legged family member finally came to us, there were some interesting coincidences between him and our deceased pup. And clear cut differences.

By the time the one year anniversary rolled around and registered in my brain, I glanced across the hall and watched the new fella happily watching me back as he chewed on one of his toys. Not a replacement, most definitely, but filling a space that was less painful to consider as time went by.

Tears can still well if I linger on the thought of our senior statesman's passing too long. My heart's still pretty tender about him. But now my days are consumed with teaching another wagging heart-stealer the ropes of the household and asking "What's in your mouth?!".

And this new member of our pack is steadily feeling more secure and growing more independent of us. The resident senior dog, our wild howler monkey of a girl, is acclimating to the new energy and though she's loathe to admit it, she's starting to like him.

Back to our original program

Just because I'm glad April's blog challenge is over, doesn't mean I actually have the mental faculties to form a halfway decent blog post.

I've been meaning to write an extensive post about my hubby since last fall. I've got some recent health concerns on my mind. Some family has some major health concerns that surpass my own at the moment. And there have been some good things and exciting events taking place too. Not that my hubby isn't a good thing, but time marches on.

I've not watched an iota of streaming content (curses!) in the last month or spent more than a handful of hours writing.

And I really do mean to catch up on the saved social media & blog posts from friends and family that I haven't gotten around to yet.

In short, oh the first world problems up in here!

But first, before I can take a deep breath and tackle such world shaking problems as weekly meal prep, mopping as recreation and laundry - the musical, I've got a graduation gift to tackle.

The first one of my niblings *sniff sniff* is about to graduate from school.

And while I entertained grand hopes many, many.... many moons ago of taking said child on a trip to Europe in the event of their graduation, my bank account has happily reminded me it's not currently an option.

So, I'm in search of a really cool graduation gift for the kid who doesn't have a frickin' clue what they want to do next. I'm slowly putting together a short list (much to my relief). And, as with many, many....many of the rest of first world problems, I'm sure I'm far more worried about getting it right and making it memorable than will actually sync in this child's brain for the rest of their life.

Goodbye blog challenge

Sweet, sweet relief.

This could be my exhaustion showing, but having a unifying theme didn't make the A to Z blog challenge anymore interesting for me this year. Don't get me wrong, when the letters suited my purpose, it was all good. But otherwise I was like a hound dog trying to loose itself from the shackle of its collar.

I have no sage words of summation, no grand illumination that took place. It's not exactly NaNoWriMo, but I'm completed it and there's a small amount of satisfaction in that.

Otherwise, I've had a bit of stuff going on of late. Stuff that contributed to the super low word count per post towards the end. Some exciting, some boring and some health-related and tedious.

Overall it feels good to have my blog back for my own personal whining purposes.