Calendars and 2016 Musings

One of the last things I do at the end of the year is go calendar shopping. Or, depending on how late I'm running or how much of a discount I'm itching to get, sometimes it's one of the first things I do in a new year. I'm flexible. Regardless, it's calendar season at my house. That time of year when you crawl over hordes of people crammed into the smallest area a bookstore could think to put up the display or, for the adventurous types, when you avoid eye contact with the sometimes shifty-looking employees of the pop-up calendar & toy store at the local mall.

He doesn't know why you can buy a board game and matching calendar either.

For the person of a thousand and one interests *cough* like me, calendar shopping can be a little much. Is this the year I get landscapes of any one of the countries I adore? Something funny instead? OMG-look-at-all-the-cute-puppies!!! Something literary and witty? BUNNIES! Dark and spooky? Choice overload. The last few years I've opted for zen and/or positive quotes with equally soothing (or whatever) simple images. I'm not sure they did much for me, so maybe it's time to go a little madcap and silly.

And speaking of the year coming to a close...

I don't necessarily think 2016 has been the worst year. But for many people I know, it's certainly been a dark and difficult year. We've had a tribulation or two here as well. And the seemingly endless culling of so many public figures took a toll on hope and spirits everywhere. It started with a roundhouse kick to the head and ended that way, too. From David Bowie & Alan Rickman all the way through to George Michael, Carrie Fisher & Debbie Reynolds. I stopped being able to articulate what some of these people meant to me, what their careers or their activism inspired and encouraged, before the second quarter of the year. With this (hopefully last round) starting at Christmas, I was quite ill and too sick to register the full impact of their passings.

With all that in mind, I present what 2016 was for me personally.

2016 is the year:

• I got annual passes to the mouse's house. Childhood dream unlocked.
• My cousin came to visit and I made my grandpa's sauce recipe.
• My friends and I explored new activities and places. 
• My dog died.
• My husband was officially diagnosed with autism.
• I avoided being hospitalized by sheer stubbornness.
• I became a trusted confidant in my oldest nibling's life. 
• I learned something new about how to treat my PCOS that almost 20 years of doctors never mentioned before. 
• I went to a funeral for a friend for the first time.
• I finally got my ass back to the doctor after putting it off for too long. 
• I learned how to unclog a garbage disposal on my own.
• I learned how to make salisbury steaks, soups, couscous & more.
• I caught up on classic literature I missed in high school & college. 
• I began refreshing my foreign language skills & inspired my dad to do the same.
• I survived. Every thing I stressed over, every moment I wasn't sure I could handle, every time I thought I might break in the year, I made it through. I've laughed and cried with family and friends. I had food in my pantry and on my table. A roof over my head, hurricane or shine. I have memories of those who are no longer here. For every worry or moment of uncertainty, there is hope.

Happy New Year to you & yours!

Dear Santa

My youngest nibling asks me every year if I've written my letter to Santa. In the spirit of needing to wear off this espresso buzz embracing the relief of skidding to the holiday finish line a skosh early, I thought I'd give it a whirl. I may be a little rusty; it has been *cough* a few decades since I've made the attempt.

Dear Santa,

The End.

I don't remember writing to you being so difficult. Should there be an exchange of pleasantries? Ask after the family and business? Or as this is a request out of millions, should I put the urgency on your limited time and get straight to business?

Out of respect to you: Happy Holidays, hope all is well and safe travels. On to business.

And that takes care of the required adult generalized worry list.

Here's the nitty gritty:

• Time to finish reading any one of the three library books I've been working on for the last month & change. 
• To be rid of whatever bubonic plague gremlins trying to root in my sinuses that one of my niblings infected me with this week. You know the one. Adjust his gifts accordingly. Like adding hand soap, sanitizer and face masks to his stocking. Or coal.
• Genealogy records to break through long-standing brick walls.
• Carrie Fisher surviving & making a full recovery. Seriously, 2016 has done enough. 

Oh. And uh, just one more thing.

Or at least tried.

My home is starting to feel like there's room for 1 more little 4-legged furry, wet nosed hound dog. I still intensely miss the one who left us this year and am grateful our remaining sweetheart who sidestepped a cancer scare. But our pack is 1 short. Maybe you could keep an eye out on your flight tonight for the right fit.

Now that I've thought about it:

• Either the cure for cancer (human & canine) or the right inspirational gift for the child who can figure it out.

🎄🎄🎅🎅🎄🎄

From my home to yours, I hope this holiday season is one of peace and joy.

Gifting

Disclaimer: This is post, very obviously, is a first world problem kind of thing. With that in mind, we proceed.

I love finding the right gift for people. I'd love it a whole lot more if I had several million in disposable income, but you get the idea.

Can I get an Amen?

But I love gift giving. The agonizing over options is my own personal over-analyzing sweet spot.

What I suck at, very much something that's developed over the last few years, is giving people ideas for me. My lists used to be littered with books and.. well, mostly books. A few odds and ends here and there, but usually books rounded out the bulk of it. And despite my main gift givers being hardcore readers, they resisted.

My increasing age has added to my sense of being pragmatic. I'm at the age where unless it's from a tried and true favorite author of mine, I'll test drive it from the library first (whenever possible). My office, bedroom and bookshelves have stacks of books I touched long enough to bring home from the store. I struggle to find time and focus to read library books as it is and at least they have a time limit involved to push things along.

Beyond books, I'm practical about jewelry. Sure, I like sparkly things but I have a reaction to silver and anything with nickel. That price tag just went through the roof on anything I'd be interested in. And frankly, I wear the same earrings and same necklace every day anyway - simple, practical pieces. I'm always in a rush and if I don't just leave it all on from one day to the next, I'd never remember to even wear my wedding band.

Note to self - check for pants and shoes before leaving house.

As for all the rest?

I want a genealogy and organizational fairy godmother. *Poof* Family pictures and documents scanned, organized and preserved in a neat space with back up stored off site. *Poof* Here's the missing records you've needed to tracing down another 5 generations. *Poof* Family history stories recorded for posterity. *Poof* *Poof* *Nose twitch* 1890 Census restored. (American genealogy joke & desperate wish - most of it was destroyed in a fire).

I also want a $300 USB typewriter-style keyboard. But I don't understand when Christmas gifts had to be hundreds of dollars a piece and stocking stuffers are the price I like to average on regular gifts. Those of you buying $25-$50 & up stocking stuffers are throwing the whole thing out of whack. So I don't ask for a $300 USB typewriter-style keyboard because that's more than I'd budget for my own entire Christmas gift experience, gifts under the tree and stocking.

So aside from an expansion pack to my favorite (filthy) card game and a gift subscription to something genealogy based, I'm good this year. I don't have kiddos to watch and enjoy the holiday experience. (Another something I'd like but isn't an option.) I have older folks who will open slippers and undershirts and the like. I have a husband who reads this blog, so my lips are sealed on any further comment there.

Am I upset about the state of my potential personal gift receiving experience? Nope. My husband's not pleased but I'm good.

The hubby will roll his eyes at this. Guaranteed.

Watchlist

About twice a month I score a free digital movie rental courtesy a rewards program from my wireless carrier.

My husband and I are movie people. Not in the sense that we have good taste, a critic's eye or have seen the best of the best. Nope, strictly in the sense that we just like to watch movies. Good ones, horrible ones, slapstick, drama, action, kids', sci-fi- anything that sparks our interest. And while we don't always agree on the same movies or even genres (I love a good scary movie or a compelling documentary while he will watch anything with "American Pie presents" in the title or military history tear jerkers.) there are usually a few titles we agree to cough up the cash each year to go see in the theater. Damn you, Marvel Cinematic Universe. Or thank you, if I'm being honest. 

All the rest that don't quite make the theater investment but still interest us we either wait to get from the library or until they show up on television. Occasionally we'll luck out and a few are available to stream on Netflix, but you get the idea. By the time they are available to watch, we've forgotten what we were waiting for and new releases have gained our attention. 

So this whole free movie rental reward is right up our alley. We're catching up on the movies we missed and as is to be expected, not all are winners. And then we've caught up and we still have rentals to redeem. 

The watchlist conundrum. 

I have movies on my watchlist I wanted to see, but they vary greatly. I start getting choosy. Picky. Do I want to watch the adaptation of a childhood favorite book or would I be more inclined to sit through two hours of watching Tarzan's abs? Cute independent movie staring the beloved Sally Field or a JJ Abram's thriller? Meryl Streep or a documentary of an author who wrote under an assumed name and used a relative to assume that identity? 

The struggle is...ridiculous. But there it is. This is, I should note, less stressful than deciding between books on my infinitely long TBR list. 

What would you watch if you made it through your top choices available and had a freebie to spare? 

Pondering a group existence

I have this knack for throwing myself into not particularly well charted territory. Navigating something on your own can make you feel like it's uncharted, but life has taught me time and again that I'm going to stumble across people at some point who get it. Whatever it may be.

And while typically the above image is a reminder to me about writing, an undercurrent to this otherwise less than shining year for me has been about groups. Can I find what I'm looking for? Are there groups in existence that are close by? Are there on-line options for those based further away? How do I let go of nerves and join in? And the most nagging of all: should I form my own?

This mostly started about writing. I moved to a somewhat rural area several years ago. I like living rural, without being in a zero-lot line subdivision with cookie cutter homes (well, that last part is kind of unavoidable in most neighborhoods in FL built after 1985, but it's a nice thought). I'm an introvert. Wide open spaces without tons of neighbors is cool by me. I do, however, enjoy being close to amenities. Theaters, libraries, access to good medical care, so on and so forth. I'm fine picking up dog food at the local farm and feed store and heading into the nearest high-end market 25 miles away to pick up fresh baked madeleines. I'm good like that.

You KNOW you want one, too.

Anyway, a bonus to the rural area I live in is the nearest town is kind of artsy. It's actually quite artsy for the area. And much to my surprise it boasts several writing groups. Some kind of snooty, some not. The hit and miss schedule of the more relaxed group I joined isn't helping me when I'm struggling. My issue, not theirs. But, if it's not working for me, I need to find something that does. So a group of writing friends and I have been tossing around the idea of starting our own group to meet our needs for a while now. I didn't want the headache of recruiting. Or scheduling. Or all the rest of the stuff that goes into it. But I want structure and support, something to get me a kick in the pants when I'm lagging on projects. So it's time to take on the crap (along with my friends) I don't want in order to try to get what I do what. 

Beyond writing, I've been looking into the idea of a support group to help me with the stress of caring for my mom. It's hard to watch your parents lose the ability to do certain things as they age. It's been a whole next level thing to handle the mental illness part that plays havoc with my mom. Therapy is expensive. Group meetings hosted by the local chapter of a national mental illness association is not. Still, I haven't ripped the bandage off and just gone to a meeting. I need to. An almost month long break from my parents recently was like somebody stopped holding my head under water. The change in how I felt day-to-day was startling. Now that they're back, I feel myself being submerged into the water more and more. 

My main source for support at this point has been reading the stories of others going through similar experiences. Books, blogs, articles, whatever. That sense of I'm not in it alone is vital to me. But the struggles continue no matter how helpful and extensive my reading list has been. Trying to tread water with my mom, the aging of all my parental units and another major piece of my life takes a toll. 

Recently my husband was diagnosed with autism. And yes, you read that correctly. An adult diagnosis. That is a story all on it's own, and one I have been working on for a few days to share in the future. He is ridiculously intelligent (so say we all and confirmed by testing). He has a great sense of humor and is damn good at his career. But his diagnosis, something we already suspected for a number of years, or rather the way his brain works impacts our relationship. I feel an unbelievable amount of pressure a great deal of the time, pressure he doesn't register. 

I've made my way as best I could by scouring the internet for help, pleased to come across even a small (but growing) number of sites focused on and NT (Neurotypical or someone without autism or other neurological difficulties) and Aspie (short for a person with Asperger's - considered the higher functioning spectrum of autism) relationships. I have a laundry list of books on the topic to read, though only 2 are available in my rural library and the rest are small press books that average quite a bit more than I am comfortable spending on a paperback of less than 200 pages. It's expensive to need assistance.

I have looked, so far to no avail, for a local support group. It's rather a niche market, I'm sure. But it's not as uncommon as you think. More and more people are receiving a later in life diagnosis and finally understanding difficulties they have had interacting with the NT world. There are groups forming in other parts of the country, groups in other English-speaking countries, even a new group in South Florida. Alas, a 5 hour drive each way for a 2-hr meeting isn't something I see myself fitting into my schedule. Local autism support groups are predominantly for parents of children with autism. And I see groups starting to pop up for people like my husband who were diagnosed as adults and are looking to connect with people who will get each other. So I come back to the same thing: is it time for me to make my own group? Is it time for me to finally do something about what I can't find (or in the case of the mental illness group, muster up the courage and go)?

The idea is daunting to this introvert. Then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Which is a lot nicer than saying $h!t or get off the pot. Keeping it classy.