Pondering a group existence

I have this knack for throwing myself into not particularly well charted territory. Navigating something on your own can make you feel like it's uncharted, but life has taught me time and again that I'm going to stumble across people at some point who get it. Whatever it may be.

And while typically the above image is a reminder to me about writing, an undercurrent to this otherwise less than shining year for me has been about groups. Can I find what I'm looking for? Are there groups in existence that are close by? Are there on-line options for those based further away? How do I let go of nerves and join in? And the most nagging of all: should I form my own?

This mostly started about writing. I moved to a somewhat rural area several years ago. I like living rural, without being in a zero-lot line subdivision with cookie cutter homes (well, that last part is kind of unavoidable in most neighborhoods in FL built after 1985, but it's a nice thought). I'm an introvert. Wide open spaces without tons of neighbors is cool by me. I do, however, enjoy being close to amenities. Theaters, libraries, access to good medical care, so on and so forth. I'm fine picking up dog food at the local farm and feed store and heading into the nearest high-end market 25 miles away to pick up fresh baked madeleines. I'm good like that.

You KNOW you want one, too.

Anyway, a bonus to the rural area I live in is the nearest town is kind of artsy. It's actually quite artsy for the area. And much to my surprise it boasts several writing groups. Some kind of snooty, some not. The hit and miss schedule of the more relaxed group I joined isn't helping me when I'm struggling. My issue, not theirs. But, if it's not working for me, I need to find something that does. So a group of writing friends and I have been tossing around the idea of starting our own group to meet our needs for a while now. I didn't want the headache of recruiting. Or scheduling. Or all the rest of the stuff that goes into it. But I want structure and support, something to get me a kick in the pants when I'm lagging on projects. So it's time to take on the crap (along with my friends) I don't want in order to try to get what I do what. 

Beyond writing, I've been looking into the idea of a support group to help me with the stress of caring for my mom. It's hard to watch your parents lose the ability to do certain things as they age. It's been a whole next level thing to handle the mental illness part that plays havoc with my mom. Therapy is expensive. Group meetings hosted by the local chapter of a national mental illness association is not. Still, I haven't ripped the bandage off and just gone to a meeting. I need to. An almost month long break from my parents recently was like somebody stopped holding my head under water. The change in how I felt day-to-day was startling. Now that they're back, I feel myself being submerged into the water more and more. 

My main source for support at this point has been reading the stories of others going through similar experiences. Books, blogs, articles, whatever. That sense of I'm not in it alone is vital to me. But the struggles continue no matter how helpful and extensive my reading list has been. Trying to tread water with my mom, the aging of all my parental units and another major piece of my life takes a toll. 

Recently my husband was diagnosed with autism. And yes, you read that correctly. An adult diagnosis. That is a story all on it's own, and one I have been working on for a few days to share in the future. He is ridiculously intelligent (so say we all and confirmed by testing). He has a great sense of humor and is damn good at his career. But his diagnosis, something we already suspected for a number of years, or rather the way his brain works impacts our relationship. I feel an unbelievable amount of pressure a great deal of the time, pressure he doesn't register. 

I've made my way as best I could by scouring the internet for help, pleased to come across even a small (but growing) number of sites focused on and NT (Neurotypical or someone without autism or other neurological difficulties) and Aspie (short for a person with Asperger's - considered the higher functioning spectrum of autism) relationships. I have a laundry list of books on the topic to read, though only 2 are available in my rural library and the rest are small press books that average quite a bit more than I am comfortable spending on a paperback of less than 200 pages. It's expensive to need assistance.

I have looked, so far to no avail, for a local support group. It's rather a niche market, I'm sure. But it's not as uncommon as you think. More and more people are receiving a later in life diagnosis and finally understanding difficulties they have had interacting with the NT world. There are groups forming in other parts of the country, groups in other English-speaking countries, even a new group in South Florida. Alas, a 5 hour drive each way for a 2-hr meeting isn't something I see myself fitting into my schedule. Local autism support groups are predominantly for parents of children with autism. And I see groups starting to pop up for people like my husband who were diagnosed as adults and are looking to connect with people who will get each other. So I come back to the same thing: is it time for me to make my own group? Is it time for me to finally do something about what I can't find (or in the case of the mental illness group, muster up the courage and go)?

The idea is daunting to this introvert. Then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Which is a lot nicer than saying $h!t or get off the pot. Keeping it classy.