Who Needs Inner Peace?: Destination Destiny

I’m not a card carrying sentimentalist. At least, not in my mind. I’m oddly attached to various things, places and memories (Maybe that’s not exactly odd, maybe that’s hoo-man, borderline sentimental even. Shh, don't tell!) in my own way, but I’m not beating down the door to many (any) tearjerker books or films. Also, for the love of God, Gaia and the baby Jesus, don’t let the dog die.

I’m also not exactly known for believing, for me at least, in a soulmate. One person and one person only who is destined to find me in the world and live and fairy tale with me. Life is… hard. Humans are imperfect and screw relationships up. People die. I’m not comfortable believing in there being just one person out there who is meant for me. And yet, here I sit a happily married person, staring down the barrel of two decades together. That in itself doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with destiny.

What does give me pause in terms of destiny is how much our respective lives swirled around each other before we were an item. We were both in scouts as kids, lots of people were. We lived hours away from each other, but on one of the biggest trips my troop ever took we camped at a state park less than an hour from where he grew up. While we camped, a group of boy scouts invaded our area. Our troop leader dragged them across the park and back to their own camp. More than a decade and a marriage later, my husband told me the story of how he camped at this local state park and the ne’er do wells of his group caused a ruckus with a girl scout troop, how his troop leader had gotten balled out by a very angry bear of a woman. We were able to confirm that our separate trips were taken at the same time in the same place. It’s a small world, ladies and gentlemen. Or our state lacks in scout approved camping facilities.

Coincidences happen (or there are no coincidences depending on your world view), so that may just be a one-off. In high school, after a couple of moves around the country, we settled in the city next to his. We had family in his town, so it was a quirk of fate (or something) that I almost went to his high school, but instead ended up about eight miles away. I tease him now that he wouldn’t have known what to do with me if we’d met in high school.

More eye make-up, less leather

Our puzzle pieces finally started coming together as college wrapped up. I was in a serious relationship with someone when we met the first time, something he doesn’t remember at all. He worked at the local college and had to be called over to take care of something for the person I was with during registration. I couldn’t tell you what the cashier looked like at the grocery store I went to this morning (The store was new to me - don't judge.) But this random guy, his attitude (I thought he was a jerk, clearly overworked and fed up with his coworkers, but an asshole nonetheless.), I remember him having to help us. Nothing about him or the exchange made me give him a second thought at the time, other than perhaps to remark to someone later in the day about the grouch who had to assist.

In the months following this ordinary day, my life completely fell apart, turned upside down and reformed. Death took the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. In time, the Earth started to right itself and I stopped believing I shouldn’t ever laugh or be happy again. I started making new friends and getting out of the house. Eventually I went on a disastrous date that couldn’t be over fast enough and I ended after ordering nothing more than a soda (aka pop, for you weirdos thinking I was drinking baking soda). I had already decided I wasn’t quite ready for dating when a persistent gentleman firmly planted himself before me.

The grouch, less grouchy/more jovial outside of work and while hanging out with friends, didn’t remember me at all, but made it very clear he was completely focused on me now. He was flirty and charming, doing everything he could think of to endear himself to me so I would go out with him. It took a few months, but I gave in.

I was skittish on our first date, barely able to look at him or speak. He wanted a hug at the end, I was ready to run to my car. He made me nervous in a way I couldn’t explain. I didn’t want to see him again. Instantly, I chastised myself and decided to give him one more chance. I wasn’t being fair, I thought. ~~Mind control.~~ After our second date, we were completely inseparable. The first date, how I felt, what I (tried) to eat, what I wore, I remember well. I couldn’t tell you what we did after that. Could have been a movie, could have been a reef dive, could have been a mission to Mars, it’s all a blur.