Positivity - P

Pasta, pie, platypus, patronizing, pathetic, party, pizza, plethora, peace, pancake, paranoia, pop, practice, private, passive aggressive. How do you choose a word for P?

the perfect killing machine

I guess I have to go with the name of this blog and ponder peace, inner, world, of pie, as it relates to becoming a more positive person.

He isn't in the mood to move it, move it. I can respect that.

Life can be stressful. And we're conditioned to wallow in bitterness and frustration. Some of us anyway according to 30+ years observation. Those of you in a near constant state of ignorance bliss and zen, skip ahead. A year or two ago, I'd have included a polite "bite me" as well. That's growth right there.

Yada, yada, stuff, stuff. If you haven't seen my older posts, I've been on a kind of personal quest for becoming a more positive, satisfied and happier person. At the end of 2014, I was tired of having the same crap, different day kind of existence. I felt myself sinking deeper into snark and bitterness. I had a 'close' friendship where I was a doormat. After the loss of a job, our family was in flux. A relative shared her own journey of working on being happier and more positive. My inner critic firmly rolled her eyes when I decided to take on some of the habits my cousin told me about.

The friendship ran it's course from my perspective a few months later. I cut my losses and quietly let it go. A new job with better benefits and a pay bump arrived. About six months after I began working on having a better outlook, I noticed a difference in my thinking. It's a process and I'm not looking to be Miss Sunshine 2016, but I feel better.

I'm less afraid to hope for the best, reconditioning myself to no longer brace for the other shoe to drop. Hey, shit happens, but perspective matters. And going back to that karma business from the other day, I'm hoping to put more positive out in the world. I'm certainly the better for having more positive internally.

Not that this whole thing has been smooth sailing. I am... stubborn. Accepting some of my faults, not mentally berating myself for every mistake, erecting healthy boundaries, those things take practice. Seemingly neverending practice. It's funny to me because secretly I've always liked myself. Then I start taking away points for the things other people may not like. Insecurity flourishes.

This is vital.

So I work at not letting other people impact my world view with their bitterness and misery. I work on things that make me feel like a better version of myself. I remind myself to stop and smell the roses or take a minute to enjoy the view of the wildflowers. Life is short and I really don't want to have spent more time wishing for what wasn't going to be instead of appreciating today. Got a dream, chase it. Got loved ones, spend time with them. Got a rash, put cream on it. Laugh out loud. Take the trip. Write the damn book so many people talk about having within themselves. Maybe it's middle age kicking in, but I want to have filled my life with as many wonderful experiences and conversations and just flat out joy as I can cram in.

I've seen for years people talk about the brevity of youth, how high school and college are the fun years. That no one knows what they're doing in their 20s. Your 30s are for figuring out who you are. And life, the real appreciation, begins at 40. Well, aside from hating high school (save for a few select memories), the rest rings more true every year. Except, why does the fun have to already be over? I refuse to accept that. So I'm choosing to have a midlife awakening instead of a midlife crisis. Life, as turbulent as it can be, can be wonderful. And I finally feel like I'm starting to come into my own. How's that for positivity?

Of course I'm ending with a stock inspirational quote. And you know what, it's awesome!